I've cut my precious nails today. Besides i still feel sleepy, too sleepy and tired. I need some serious holiday, somewhere far away from all this shit. Just me and comfy bed *dreamy-smile*
Seriously Otep's one of the most amazing bands ever. Helps me to get rid of these stupid emotions that are hovering inside my head. I wrote poem, writing can be a drug sometimes. Same as when you actually got addicted to blood, smoking and stuff like that. Starting to believe that it can relieve of some of the pain. I so wish today i was dead, like never born. Living gets on my nerves, eventually we all will end up dead someday, and there will be nothing left after us, exept pain and regret of those who cared. Life sucks. And i wish so much i could have a smoke right now. Maybe walk will do me some good... have to clear my head and think about my life.
Why is it that when i am in no mood everything else is trying to make it worst? Feel like vomiting... I don't feel very well. Hope Em's having a great time <3
I can't sleep, but that's not unusual. I wish i could sleep forever ¤
I've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately. It's been pretty good *think-i-am-addicted* Em should be in Southampton by now. I hope that she'll have a great time. She deserves to be happy. I feel... empty. People like me, who deal with friggin' depression for year should be able to understand, in my case it's been like that more than ten years. I doubt i'll ever change... it's been to long to turn back and life just loves to kick you in the butt. I had this feeling today, when i was shopping with my bro, i observed people and they all are kind of pathetic. The truth is nobody deserves to live, but we still are. Why is that? This sick game, life. If god exists, why does he wants us to suffer? That was wrong. I know god exists and i hate fucker.
Sometimes i get thinking why the fuck am i not dead yet? Anyway i've been browsing vox in hope i'll actually find someone interesting, but of course i have no luck today. I wish i could sleep, just sleep. I've been thinking about quitting from my SI, but it's not as simple done as said. I don't even know if i want to. There are times when it's the only thing that helps me to live...
I called Emily, finally. And how sweet voice she's got... *giggles* It was good to talk to her. She definately made me happier *smiles* I wish she was here. Life's not fair, is it?
Non that i feel good today... Had huge fight with my mum and another one with my bro today. I feel like i am comlicating everything without putting any efford. And i promised Em i'd call... I'm sorry sunshine. I feel freaking guilty, hate to break my word.
People don't get how can waking up and getting ready for day, how much effort i have to put into this,when all i want to do is curl up on my bed and sleep. Sleep and not have to wake up, ever. Opening my eyes today almost killed me. Anyway gotta live...
Bloody hell! Can someone can explain to me what ten or more centimeters of snow are doing outside? I woke up and it already was there. When i checked the weather for today it said something like snow possible, but i didn't believe it! It's April for christ's sake! Anyway the snow put me in a good mood. It is suppose to be snowing for the next two days, but who knows? I'm gonna take a shower... *tired*
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